Type 2. The Helper

overview

Caring,

Twos are most focused on relationships and love (in all its manifestations). At their best, Twos are naturally attentive to others. They like to take care of others, help them, support them. Two intuitively understand their counterparts needs.

Usually Twos are extroverted, have a wide circle of acquaintances, and they quickly turn their acquaintance into friends. They zealously guard their relationship and want to be especially important to their friends and close one. One of my type 2 clients constantly and skillfully during every session tried to turn our relationship from client – coach to friend – friend. Every time I pointed it out to him, he seemed surprised and apologetic as he was unconsciously doing the same with everyone.

Twos want to be influential and invisible at the same time. They are kind, attentive, supportive colleagues and teammates.

Type 2 are generous, giving and have hard time taking. They also have difficulty expressing their own needs. Twos have this strong desire to care about others. It could have been quite a healthy altruistic motive, if Twos did it without suppressing their own needs. They sincerely believe that they are fine and that others are more in need of their help. As a result, they often feel resentment by not getting in response for their care enough of gratitude and attention, not noticing that it is them who break the balance of give-&-take in the relationship, unable to either ask or take. As a result they often indulge into hedonistic habits to somehow even out this balance for themselves.

Twos are sensitive and emotional and can easily cry. They are “teddy bears” of Enneagram as they like to hug, cuddle.

For Twos it is important to be accepted, liked, loved.  They have an exaggerated need to be needed, to be valuable. They love when others express their gratitude for their act of care or love. In fact, they confuse love and gratitude.

At their best

They are empathetic, loving, friendly, caring, sensitive, giving, generous, forgiving, flexible

When they are unhealthy

They are intrusive, possessive, jealous, seductive, manipulative, anguished, overindulgent

examples

Famous People:

Mother Teresa, Celine Dion, Eleanor Roosevelt, Luciano Pavarotti, Barbara Bush.

“The fruit of love is service, which is compassion in action”

– Mother Theresa

From my coaching experience:

The client, a hard-working, diligent pharmacist was constantly asked by her colleagues to work during holidays and uncomfortable hours. While everybody celebrated New Year’s Eve, she would sell medicines. If she was not selling medicine, she would be asked by her sister to baby sit her little nephew. She had hard time saying “No”, while it seemed like people took her kindness for granted. But every time she raised the topic of unfair give-and-take, she did it so awkwardly that people would try to distance from her after that, so she stopped trying.

  • Core belief:

I must take care of the person in order to get him/her to love me.

To take care of myself is selfish.

  • Core fear:

I’m afraid to be unworthy of love.

  • Basic desire:

To be loved, valued.

  • Basic strategy:

“Give to get” strategy: they suppress their needs and desires and compulsively care about the significant others in order to receive gratitude and appreciation from them. 

Growth path

The key steps of growth:

(based on my coaching experience of type 2 clients)

  • Be aware when you suppress your own needs for the sake of satisfaction of others seeking gratitude in return.

  • Practice focusing on your own needs, not whimsical desires that distract you from your true needs.

  • Practice asking for help directly.

  • Practice accepting “No” from others without resentment.

  • I can help you form key habits for this type that are like antidotes, free you from unhealthy habits. But first it’s better to start from the typing session. 

Subtypes

Self-preservation Two

The self-preservation instinct is focused on taking care of one’s own needs gives an interesting twist in self-sacrificing Twos. They still have a hard time asking, that’s why they choose one of the two main strategies to attract love and attention. One is through the cute childlike behavior, inviting others to love them and take care of them as children are naturally lovable. The other is by exaggerating their illnesses or sufferings in order to force others to take care of them. In both scenarios they don’t ask for care and love directly sacrificing their ability to state their needs for the sake of dependency.

Those two strategies cause self-indulgence. They distract themselves from their needs by indulging themselves in food, shopping sprees or anything that serves the purpose.

Self-preservation Twos more than the other two subtypes avoid disapproval and rejection by others.

Social Two

These Twos are very outgoing; they have a wide social network which they use to help people using contacts with the others thus achieving indirect influence. Quite often they consider confident information about others as their way to get close with people. They give more importance to their friends than to their significant others.

Social Twos like to get really close and intimate with others. They try to be attractive and charming to get more intimate in the relationships that have nothing to do with partnership.

Sexual Two

Sexual Two are energetic, active, generous, communicative and flexible people who are not afraid to woo others with help of skillful flattery and seduction. They focus on one-to-one relationships and ingeniously make people feel good when they are around. They are proud, being the chosen, trusted.

Sexual Two solves the dilemma of having needs but not wanting to express them by having a strong bond with somebody who gives them what they want. Often they mistakenly substitute their need for love by whimsical desires for expensive things.

Sometimes they care about their significant others, sometimes aggressively by making the decisions for them in their interests, sacrificing their own needs.

 
discover your type

You are 1 session away from discovering your type

I know it is difficult to identify your type yourself as it is important to identify the core unconscious beliefs. So let me help you in that. You can save time and money, discovering your type as soon as possible. Knowing your type gives CLARITY.